As I continue to have strong interest from readers in the work/life flexibility discussion, I asked a friend of mine, Mike VanDervort to contribute his ideas on the topic.  If anyone knows how to try and make it all work, he does.  Mike is a busy HR leader, father, husband, public speaker, blogger/writer, and more.  Let’s see what work/life flexibility means to him….

Life is all about Balance

A couple of weeks ago, Trish McFarlane asked if I would like to participate in her Leader’s series on Work/Life. Since this is a topic near and dear to my heart, and my personal sanity, I quickly agreed to do something.

It is a good thing that I had a publisher with flexible deadlines, because I got very busy and couldn’t write anything for her. Then I went on vacation for a week. Then I came back and was overwhelmed with catching up. Tomorrow, I leave for another week of vacation wrapped around the Christmas holiday.

I’ll come back to this thought of balance a little later in the post. I want to look at a couple of other things first.

Thought Leaders speak on Work/Life Balance

Here is what Trish had to say recently about the emerging tends from her Work/Life series.

When I started this Leader’s series, I was not sure if there would be agreement or disagreement. Here is what I am seeing emerge:

1. As much as we may want to ignore it, or pretend it doesn’t matter, flexibility in one form or another is on the mind of many employees and leaders.
2. It is not necessarily a generational difference but seems to be based more on the phase of life someone is in.
3. Regardless of what we call it; integration, unity, juggle, balance, etc., it all comes down to the fact that different people need varying amounts of flexibility in their life depending on their family and other commitments.

Keep these themes in mind: Work, Life, Flexibility, Juggle, Balance.

Here is what another thought leader had to say about Work/Life balance back in June 2009.

” There’s no such thing as work-life balance, there are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.” — Jack Welch, speaking at the 2009 SHRM National Conference

We need to add some new words to our theme list: Work, Life, Flexibility, Juggle, Balance, Choice, Consequences

Stanley Bing is the author of the book “How to Relax Without Getting the Axe. Here is a bit of his take on Work/Life balance.

” The secret is learning and adapting the tricks of powerful, successful people” , says Bing, whose book is subtitled “A Survival Guide to the New Workplace”. “In essence, the tricks are timeless ways for anyone to gain control over their job, their time and their life, he says. “The lack of control is what makes people unhappy, and supreme control is what signifies powerful, successful people,” he said. “In between is the regular day that we all have.”

We need to add some new words to our theme list: Work, Life, Flexibility, Juggle, Balance, Choice, Consequences, Control

The Reality of Work/Life Balance

Even though it pains me to say it, Jack Welch is right.

There is no such thing as Work/Life balance.

Excellent employers may strive to provide an atmosphere whereby the demands of a job are lessened by amenities. Frankly, most won’t. Where they do, many employees will choose not to take full advantage in the name of “too busy” or “high performance culture”.

If there is no Work/Life Balance, what is there?

To answer that question, we must look to our theme list:

• Work
• Life
• Flexibility
• Juggle
• Balance
• Choice
• Consequences
• Control

These are the factors in the equation that is Work/Life Balance. Understanding the equation is the answer to finding Work/Life Balance. The equation is like life, a series of events that unfold, offering each individual the opportunity to choose how they will behave.

If you choose to always work, your equation will be out of balance. The consequence will be the complete lack of a personal life.

Some people choose to live that way. Others choose to opt out of work altogether.

There is no perfect solution or answer to this equation! Each individual must find the answer that works for them. It is up to you to find your own answer.

Finding that balance

Even when work is overwhelming and demanding, including heavy travel, you can find short respites- if you choose to do so.

I recently had to make a trip from Tampa to Washington D.C. for a conference, and then fly from DC to Miami, keeping me away from home for a week, Wednesday to Wednesday, including working on the weekend in Miami.

I scheduled the trip so that I was able to get a block of time in DC that ran from 10 AM to 3 PM in which I was free. I used this time to take an extended walk around the sites and monuments that are offered on a beautiful autumn day in Washington D.C.  After a meeting, I used the open evening hours to meet with social media friends Mark Stelzner and Jessica Lee rather than attend a meaningless cocktail hour where I didn’t know anyone. While in Miami, I stayed near the beach in Fort Lauderdale, giving me the opportunity to rise early and take some beautiful beach walks along the Atlantic Ocean.

Total free time out of a 7 day business trip – 10 hours.

Reward – priceless!

Admittedly, I could have been working, catching up on things that got put off at the office due to the travel, but I was so far behind from an intensive 60 day schedule that spending that time working would have yielded very little long term value. The respite – the personal time to rejuvenate was far more important at that time.

You have to stay sane at work in order to remain productive. Staying sane at work when it is crazy is an art! It is your responsibility to make the choices that will provide you the proper personal work/life balance.

I will close with some tips on how to do this.

Tips for getting your own life back

1. Never forget that you are your most important personal asset. You need to make sure that you are providing yourself with sustenance on a physical, profession, emotional and spiritual level in order to have a fully rounded life.
2. Make time to relax. Use your vacation.
3. Find opportunities for respite during the chaos!
4. Don’t sublimate. Follow your passion. Don’t let work and obligation derail from some time with those things that nurture your soul and spirit.
5. If you find yourself growing resentful and angry, take the time to reflect on why this is happening. It is impossible to work your way through this if you are imbalanced in your personal and professional life.
6. Analyze your self-established limitations. Are you living up to impossible rules and standards for no good reason? Stop it, now!
7. Are you staying in a bad situation because of obligation? If so, evaluate it carefully. It could be literally killing you.
8. Go get help if you need to. I did, and it paid off.
9. Find something that you want to do just for yourself and go do it

So, what do you think?  Does this approach work for you?  Let Mike and I know in the comments. Thank you to Mike for  participating in the Leader’s Series.

Michael VanDervort is the founder of The Human Race Horse Blog. Michael writes and speaks on topics related to human resources and social media. You can follow him on Twitter by clicking here.

I have a confession, I am a determined achiever.   Always have been.  I have been working and earning my own money since I started babysitting at age eleven.  In high school, I managed schoolwork, sports activities, and a job.  In college, I managed to earn several degrees while working and throwing in a little fun.  And now, I fit in mothering, work, professional development, blogging/social media, and volunteering.  I am someone who thrives on activity.  This is who I am- the whole me.  That is why my focus is on work/life unity.

Unity, or “wholeness”, takes into consideration that I am made up of all these roles.  How much time I spend on each one in a given day varies from day to day, and that is what works for me.  So, how have I made it work?  Three words:  flexibility, sacrifice, and decisiveness.

• Flexibility- Being able to use my time to focus on what needs the most attention at the time.
• Sacrifice- Sometimes taking something I want to do and having to say ‘no’ because something else is more pressing at the time.
• Decisiveness- Gathering facts and just making a decision.  Sometimes it’s risky, but it beats feeling guilty about not knowing what to do next and where to invest the time I have available.

Like Eric, I make no apologies and have no regrets.  The reason I say that is that throughout most of my career, I have had flexibility.  Flexibility is the critical ingredient that makes my recipe of life work.  For the first four years of my children’s lives, I worked a flexible schedule.  This was in an environment that valued the end result of my work product more than the specific hours of the day I was visible.

Over those four years, my schedule changed quite a bit.  I worked as little as 70% when the twins were first born and eventually back up to full-time.  I also had the flexibility of not only a reduced schedule, but the ability to work from home on a regular basis.  Working for an employer who celebrated flexibility gave me the ability to enroll the children in gymnastics during lunch time every Wednesday.  What a nice break to the middle of my week to step away from work for two hours to do something fun and hands on with the kids.

In addition, I had a nanny at home with me on my days “working from home” to watch the children so I could actually get work done.  This gave me the unique opportunity to take ‘hug and kiss breaks’, eat lunch with my kids, and throw in the occasional load of laundry.  It was wonderful.  The result was I was not missing much in terms of their “firsts” so I was being a good mom, I was able to keep small household chores from piling up, and I was a better, more dedicated, productive employee.  I did not have guilt.

Not every job is designed to be done from home though, and there can also be limitations on an individuals ability to concentrate and achieve from home.  A few critical factors to working from home:

• Have a designated office or work area
• Avoid distractions (like television)
• If you have children at home, arrange for someone to watch them while you are working
• Set goals for yourself throughout the day
• Make sure to take breaks (it is so easy to forget to eat lunch or take a break when you work from home)

But what if you do not have flexibility?

It’s all about choices.

This is where the sacrifice and decisiveness really become important. I’ve worked with less flexibility and I understand the challenges employees face when being able to fit it all in is not possible.  It is not a good feeling.  I’m not the mom who can break away and be a room mother for my kids’ class, I don’t get to go on field trips with them, and I often pick them up after dark, so our outside playtime is limited.  Mothering is not something that should be ‘outsourced’, so I struggle with it now.  But, there are still ways to make it all work.  What can you do to free up time to parent (or do what is personally important to you)?

• Pay someone to clean your house or run errands
• Hire someone to mow your lawn and do landscaping
• Check with your grocery store to see if they offer on-line shopping with grocery delivery
• Hire someone who specializes in organizing to help assess your personal situation

Bottom line is we only get to live this life once.  What will you make of it?  If you’re sitting there feeling guilty about your situation at home, at work, or in other areas of your life, change it.  The power is already in your hands.  Will this mean you may sacrifice something else?  Yes, it probably will.  Will you have to make some decisive choices?  Yes, definitely.  Will you be happier and have a more unified life?  Absolutely.

So tell me, does the idea of unity work for you?  Why or why not?

A little over a month ago, during Steve Boese‘s HR Happy Hour “Work/Life” episode, a great debate was underway. Steve and his co-host, Shauna, managed discussion around work/life balance and whether that was truly possible.  The idea of work/life “blend” was brought up. Guests and callers weighed in on whether flexibility was possible in today’s work environments, if the need for flexibility was generationally driven, and what can be done to make it work.  This discussion spilled over on Twitter and kept going long after the show ended.

The take away for me was that it would be interesting to do a series of posts from people in different geographies, from different generations, on what work/life flexibility means to them and whether or not they think it works.  I’m thrilled to say that Eric Winegardner (from Monster), Bill Boorman (UK based Bill Boorman Consultancy), and Beth Carvin (CEO of Nobscot Corporation) all signed on to participate in the series.  I don’t know if this will turn into a generational divide, a men vs. women debate, or a geographical smack-down between the US and the UK.  What I do know is that I have three of the brightest in the HR industry weighing in on a great topic.  We welcome your comments and ideas on what work/life flexibility means to you.

First up, Eric Winegardner.

As a white-collar American, I work more than I do anything else.  I work more than I sleep.  I work more than I spend time with my family.  It is a fact of life, and I love it.  That’s right, I just said I love it.  Why?  Because I stopped worrying about balance years ago and started focusing on Integration of the two seemingly separate worlds.  You see, I have no home-life without work, and I have no work-life without home.  There is only one Eric.  Take him or leave him.

To be fair and to properly set the stage for my argument, I feel obliged to disclose that I am a self-proclaimed workaholic.  I prefer to refer to myself as a lifeaholic.  It just sounds better.  I happen to be incredibly passionate about what I do, enjoy the people I work with, and believe that if I execute flawlessly magic things happen for the masses.  Okay, so maybe I’ve had one too many sips of the Kool-Aid!  The reason I tell you this, is I fear I am in the minority of people who look at Work/Life Integration as a means to be able to work MORE- without it adversely affecting those I love so dearly.  If I didn’t completely lose you on that one, we will most likely grow to be close friends.

I am on the quest to have it all, and flexibility is a critical component to my success.  Flexibility is about being able to do what I need to do, where and when I need to do it without feeling GUILTY about doing it.  Guilt is a complex emotion that erodes productivity not to mention overall happiness.

I have found that the secret to my work/life integration has been to eliminate guilt.  I refuse to feel guilty to my employer for picking my daughter up at preschool in the “middle of the workday”, scheduling a dentist appointment in the middle of the week, or pinging my friends on Facebook or Twitter with a moment of genius “on company time.”  Conversely, I do not allow myself to feel guilty for missing my daughter’s field trip, taking just one more phone call in the middle of dinner, or not being home at night for bath time, stories, and goodnight kisses.  Do I miss those things, of course!  But can I carry the burden of guilt, no way.  Instead, I concentrate on being aware of the fact that I am ALL roles in my life at once.  I choose to be fully present for the things I GET to experience, and do my best to thoroughly enjoy the moment, whether that be a work or home setting.  I think that approach makes me a better husband, father, friend AND employee!

I work from my home office in Cincinnati, my real office in Boston, and from Monster offices across the globe.  I work from airports and airplanes, from hotel lobbies and rooms, from back seats of cars and from restaurants and coffee shops.  I can work from anywhere, anytime, and usually do.  It is what inspires me, what motivates me, and what makes me the happy person my family totally digs.  Therefore, it works.

So, what do you think?  Weigh in with your comments.