I had a little “incident” at home.  I tried to open a jar and couldn’t do it.  Actually, it’s happened a few times recently and each time, my eight year old son comes to my rescue.  I hate to admit that getting older can mean that I lose certain abilities such as strength or dexterity.  I was also reluctant to have someone help me, let alone someone so much younger who was then able to do the task with ease. Then I realized, it’s the way the world works.  The techniques that he was using were different than my approach and ultimately, his way worked better for me.

As we age, there are many things that the younger generations can do that we cannot.  I’ve experienced it on the other end of the spectrum too, where someone more senior to me may be resistant to my help or expertise.  It’s human nature to want to do things for ourselves, in the way that we are used to doing them.  However, by doing this and not capitalizing on the skills of others, we are only limiting ourselves.

Benefits of allowing others to teach you

• Learning new skills to aid in your job or personal life
• Exposure to new technologies to improve inefficiencies you experience
• Allowing yourself to be inspired by the “spark” or passion that another person can share when they teach you something

It’s well known in the business world that if you find a mentor who is more senior to you, they can share their experience with you.  This leads to improved skills and knowledge and ultimately to higher level positions or pay increases as you develop.  Lesser appreciated is the reverse, when a younger, less experienced individual shares their knowledge with you, it can also lead to increased skills, revenue or higher level positions.

My point today is open yourself up.  Regardless of age, having teachers and mentors of all ages will help you become a more well-rounded leader.  Do you have people in your life who mentor you?  Does their age or experience level impact your development?  Share about them in the comments.  I’d love to hear some great mentor stories!

One of the first patterns you see when working in human resources and dealing with employee relation situations is that over half of the issues stem from employees not being satisfied with their working relationship with their boss.   Complaints range from dislike of micro-managers to working for someone who is so distant that a relationship never forms.  I’ve found that as I’ve worked with many executives over the last 16 years, one thing stands out…. if there is not a match in style between the leader and the subordinate, ultimately that working relationship will suffer.  Over time, either the employee will become dissatisfied and leave the company, the leader will not be satisfied with the employee and performance will suffer, or both people stay in the relationship and the department never reaches it’s full productivity potential.

While reading an article in Scientific American Mind on Attachment Theory, it struck me that although they were focusing on romantic relationships, the theory plays out in our work relationships as well.  Attachment Theory and the corresponding styles was first discovered by Mary Ainsworth, an American psychologist.  Her work with a British researcher, John Bowlby, resulted in the idea that people who have a strong attachment to others, specifically their caregivers, are more likely to survive.  The three types of attachment are:

• Secure- This person has a solid base and is able to explore their environment.  They’re more likely to learn and thrive and are comfortable with intimacy.
• Anxious-  This person is overly worried about where the other person (ie. parent, romantic partner or boss) is and what they are doing.  By being preoccupied with that, they are not easily able to focus their attention on the situation at hand.
• Avoidant- This person believes that if they allow a close, trusting relationship to form, they will lose their independence.  They try to minimize closeness in their relationships and keep other people at arms length.

This can have a huge impact in the workplace.

If there is a mis-match of the boss’ attachment style and yours and you do not recognize it, your relationship may never see success. One or both of you will be disappointed in the other person.  This disappointment will cause friction over time if not addressed and eventually, something has to give. Recognizing your own attachment style can help you in your relationships because then you can make adjustments to aid in bridging the gap. According to the article authors, Amir Levine and Rachel S.F.Heller, “attachment principles teach us that most men and women are only as needy as their unmet needs.  When their emotional needs are met, they usually turn their attention outward.  This result is sometimes referred to in the literature as the ‘dependency paradox’: the more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more indpendent and creative they become.”

As we help leaders, or as we review our own leadership style, the message is clear.  We need to help stack the deck by working toward having a more secure and trusting relationship with our boss.  This is where HR can really help an employee focus efforts on strategies to reach that goal instead of focusing on all the problems in the working relationship.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on these attachment styles and how you’ve seen relationships play out in the workplace.  What has worked and what hasn’t?

This Guest Post authored by Lois Melbourne is part of the HR Blog Exchange, a fun project that from a Twitter conversation.  See the details here.

Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of the Greatest HR Circus in the world.  Trish is a good ring leader and has invited me as a guest act.  I appreciate the opportunity to be in the ring with a little spotlight.  I want to move the big tent spotlight to the easy ways you can use your expertise to make a big difference in people’s life.  I am fortunate to have the experience of being mentored and of mentoring.  I enjoy both.  I mentor students and entrepreneurs because I am paying it forward for all the wonderful mentors I have had and still have in my life.  We don’t do it to find applicants, but it can obviously be a reward for giving back to the community. I also focus on these in details in my 1-1  mentoring opportunities.

In ring #1, we address the issues most pertinent to students preparing for the job market. The following list includes the type of information students have asked me about:

• How do I know a corporation is looking for employees?
• How is the application process different for corporate jobs than when applying for a retail or grocery store position?
• What key words are critical in a resume and why?
• What is the role of a recruiting firm vs. a recruiting department in a company?  How do I talk to them?

In ring #2, recognize and reinforce the critical topics that may seem obvious to you, but are still new or unknown to students, such as:

• Knowing and nurturing good interview skills.
• What NOT to do, such as over inflating a resume.
• Knowing that recruiter firms should never charge an applicant.

In the center ring I focus on something I am very passionate about:

• How to choose an industry/career that you can enjoy.

My mentoring allows me to do these things regularly, but I realize not everyone can do them all. The important thing is to do what you can, knowing that you are contributing to the workforce of tomorrow – paying it forward, if you will.  Some may consider looking for the first career position a trapeze act.  But with your expert guidance, at least these students will feel that they have something to hold on to.

Lois is a ringleader of her own circus with a blog at www.aquire.com/blog, writing about HR technology in workforce planning and succession planning, as well as leadership, cool employees and her software customers.