I posed a question on FaceBook over the weekend to friends and family.  I asked, “If you could change one thing about your boss, it would be…?”

The overwhelming answer was that the respondent would change themselves and not the boss.  I admit, that would have been my answer too.  The more I thought about it though, what if you just accept the boss, flaws and all.  What if you just accept your family members, your friends, your colleagues for exactly the way they are?

Think about yourself for a moment.  Would you say you are happy with the way you look, with your health and fitness, or even the amount of sleep you get?  Assume you think you need to lose 10- 20 pounds.  What if instead of fretting each day about it, going on diets to lose the weight, then gaining it back again and again, what if you just accepted yourself the way you are?  Maybe you are supposed to be that weight.  Maybe you are supposed to feel the way you do.

Like I warned you at the beginning, today I have more questions than answers.  Are we too driven to change?  Can we ever be happy with the way things are?  Can you just adapt to what “is”?

With Valentine’s Day less than a week away, I’ve been thinking about love.  In fact, this time of year, stories about being in love are all around.  As I was driving to work last week, there was a brief story on satellite radio about people behaving better when they are in love.  This sparked an idea about whether or not being in love, or being loved in general, can make a person be a better manager.  So, I set out to find out.

I found study after study that tout the health and other benefits of being in love or being loved.  The key is not only physical, but mental.

People who are loved:

• have lower stress levels
• get better sleep
• take fewer risks
• practice more preventative health
• have increased levels of Dopamine (which positively affects pleasure and motivation)

Just yesterday, the Washington Post ran an article on the health benefits of falling  and staying in love.  According to them, “Hugging and hand-holding have been found to release the hormone oxytocin, which lowers the levels of stress hormones in the body, reducing blood pressure, improving mood and increasing tolerance for pain, according to research from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.”

So, I wonder, does being loved or in love make you a better manager?  I think it can.  If you are experiencing some of the benefits mentioned above on a regular basis, you are likely to bring a more positive attitude to work.  Theoretically, you should be able to better manage your responses to stressful situations.  And on the flip side, if you are going through personal relationship problems at home or if you are depressed, it will be much more challenging for you as a manger.  You will have to somehow overcompensate at work just to be able to motivate others.  Hard to do when you’re not feeling very motivated yourself.

In order to provide an environment that fosters employee engagement and coaching, HR needs to think outside the box.  Maybe the missing link is our ability to help support employees who are having personal relationship difficulties.  What do you think?

As we age, there are many things that the younger generations can do that we cannot.  I’ve experienced it on the other end of the spectrum too, where someone more senior to me may be resistant to my help or expertise.  It’s human nature to want to do things for ourselves, in the way that we are used to doing them.  However, by doing this and not capitalizing on the skills of others, we are only limiting ourselves.

Benefits of allowing others to teach you

• Learning new skills to aid in your job or personal life
• Exposure to new technologies to improve inefficiencies you experience
• Allowing yourself to be inspired by the “spark” or passion that another person can share when they teach you something

It’s well known in the business world that if you find a mentor who is more senior to you, they can share their experience with you.  This leads to improved skills and knowledge and ultimately to higher level positions or pay increases as you develop.  Lesser appreciated is the reverse, when a younger, less experienced individual shares their knowledge with you, it can also lead to increased skills, revenue or higher level positions.

My point today is open yourself up.  Regardless of age, having teachers and mentors of all ages will help you become a more well-rounded leader.  Do you have people in your life who mentor you?  Does their age or experience level impact your development?  Share about them in the comments.  I’d love to hear some great mentor stories!

How To Win Friends and Influence People

If you have not read the famous book by Dale Carnegie,  the basic premise of the book is that if you are nice to people, if you listen more than you speak and if you praise and help others keep their dignity, you will have successful relationships.   Written in 1936, the advice still largely holds true and has even been updated recently to how to win friends and influence people in the digital age.  It’s been many years since I read the book but it was one of the books my father recommended for me while I was still in college and had not started down my career path.

If you read this blog, you have likely been working for some time.  As you think back over your career, what books have inspired you or helped shape how you interact with other people?  What is the main message of the book?

• Teacher
• Creative
• Innovative
• Strategic
• Leader

I’m sure as you read through the list, you had a word jump to mind for each of them.  Here’s what I came up with:

• Teacher- Learner
• Creative- Destructive
• Innovative- Complacent
• Strategic- Tactical
• Leader- Follower

I notice is that if I spend some time really looking at the original list of words, I would not choose many of the “opposites” had I been given more time.  In fact, my list seems to have words that have a more negative connotation to them or at least a more passive tone.

Take the word “leader” for example.  My guess is that many people would automatically say “follower” is the opposite.  In our society though, the connotation of the word follower gives the sense that it is the less desirable position to hold.  However, no one is a leader all the time.  We each need to embrace being a follower so that we are stretched to learn.

When I looked up synonyms for the word follower, I found many that were positive such as supporter, enthusiast and fan.  Those are all positive.  Don’t they apply to leaders too?

Isn’t a leader a supporter?

Isn’t a leader an enthusiast?

Shouldn’t a leader be a fan of the people he is leading and guiding?

The way we use words in our business writing matters, yet we often go with a quick response and may not be setting the best tone or sending the most positive message.  The challenge is to stretch ourselves when we communicate.  The words we use to refer to an employee, a project or a proposal may determine the level of success you are having with your team or with an entire organization.  Are the words you use instilling confidence and trust?  Do they demonstrate transparency?

I’m looking at words in a new way.  Yes, I am a leader, but that also means that I am an enthusiastic supporter of the team I am guiding.  They are not followers, but supportive contributors.

Word game? Maybe, but I’ll take it.