Today, I am privileged to have someone I consider a true friend post his thoughts on the topic.  Jason Seiden is not only a kind and generous friend, he is a professional speaker, coach, and author.  Jason’s books, ‘Super Staying Power: What You Need to Be Valuable & Resilient at Work and the award-winning How to Self-Destruct: Making the Least of What’s Left of Your Career are two of the most popular business books on the market. Jason is also a family man who takes that role seriously.  Be sure to check out his site at http://jasonseiden.com.

So, read on to learn how Jason makes it all work.  Then, leave a comment and let us know what you think.

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When Trish asked me to guest post on work/life balance, I didn’t hesitate to say yes.

Though to be clear, I revere work/life balance about as much as an atheist believes in God.

So here’s my answer to, “How do I achieve “work/life balance?”

I don’t. I have spent extensive time the past few years doing things to lay the foundation for what I’m doing now (writing/speaking). At the time, these things caused major scheduling conflicts. I did them anyway.

I have no expectations. Rather than try to force things to happen on my schedule, I put myself in the way of opportunity and adjust quickly when it presents itself. I go. I do. I get caught up in things. Periodically I step back to assess my priorities, my strengths, and my interests: where are the themes? I ask myself. My passions find me, but only when I let go of expectation.

I grab moments when I can. My book Super Staying Power has four chapters on how to create “Magic Moments,” those perfect life moments that turn into lifelong memories. The model is real, I use it all the time. I work a lot, so I often invent ways to include my kids in my life during what would otherwise be “dead time.” I don’t worry about blocks of time, I focus on moments.

Hugs, all the time. Love is not an after-hours thing, it is a whenever-I-am-with-someone-I-love thing.

Work, all the time. Work is not an 8 to 6 thing; it is a whenever-I-get-inspired thing.

People come first. Every once in awhile, I’ll take an extended lunch with a friend. Usually, I don’t have time for it. But afterward, I’m always glad I did it.

I’m lucky. One thing my wife has been very clear about since the beginning is that breaking up is never on the table—whatever the challenge, we’ll figure out a way. I wouldn’t dare preach to anyone how to keep a marriage strong; on this score, I just got lucky.

Honesty. A client once remarked during a negotiation that I don’t dance like other vendors, I wrestle. So I do. If there’s an issue, let’s deal with it. I get paid a lot of money to help people figure out how to successfully move through office politics, which get created when people chose not to deal with the underlying issues. I’ve gotten good enough at it to know that the most efficient political maneuver is to hit issues head on whenever possible.

I have a long term perspective. Work/life balance is a lifetime thing, not a day-to-day thing.

I say “yes.“ I know the advice about equating “saying ‘no’” with integrity. I think that’s bullshit. Integrity means owning up to mistakes, not pussyfooting through life for fear of making one. The point at which you are in balance is as close to “over-commitment” as it is to “under-commitment.” What, if you err to one side, you’re OK, but err to the other side, and you suddenly have no integrity? Horse feathers. It’s as important to know how to say “yes” to the things you’d like to do as it is to say “no” to the things you know you can’t. If you start feeling that your integrity is on the line when you talk balance, you’re just screwed.

I manage risks rather than eliminate them. Safety is an illusion. This is life: I will get burned and that there will be tears—no question about it. No need to live in fear of the inevitable! I find a lot of success in life comes from simply accepting the risks.

I have goals. I make sure to do something every day to move forward toward my goals. For instance, I tell people about them. (You can’t help me unless you know what I want. Which right now is as many speaking opportunities as I can land, thanks.)

I don’t hide from my emotions. I use my emotions as guides. I don’t always know what they mean, but I don’t ignore them. When they speak, I listen.

I actively enjoy my life. Some days naturally suck, others are naturally great. But other days, my attitude has a big impact on my surroundings. If I notice people around me all being nasty, I assume that I must not be enjoying myself and that they’re responding to the negativity I’m emanating. Rather than get mad at them, I try to find something around me to appreciate, and I focus on it until I change my mood. When you’re having fun, you don’t worry about balance.

I live in a home, not a house. We have no “no touch” room, no nice furniture, and no rules that prioritize things over people. After all, my couch will not be at my funeral.

There it is: a relatively raw “brain dump” spurred by thoughts of that fantastical myth, “work/life balance.”

I can’t imagine there’s anyone else around whose brain goes to the same place mine does when s/he hears the question, “How do you achieve work/life balance,” and that’s probably a good thing. So take from my musings what you can, laugh at the parts where I’m ridiculous, and find that path that works for you…

Me? I’m off. I’ve got clients to call and a kid downstairs who doesn’t even know she’s got a tickle torture on the way…

When I started this Leader’s series, I was not sure if there would be agreement or disagreement.  Here is what I am seeing emerge:

1. As much as we may want to ignore it, or pretend it doesn’t matter, flexibility in one form or another is on the mind of many employees and leaders.
2. It is not necessarily a generational difference but seems to be based more on the phase of life someone is in.
3. Regardless of what we call it; integration, unity, juggle, balance, etc., it all comes down to the fact that different people need varying amounts of flexibility in their life depending on their family and other commitments.

So, please check out Beth’s perspective then use the comments to start a discussion. Here’s Beth…

Many CEOs and business owners are boggled and bothered by the whole idea of workplace flexibility and work-family balance.  Boggled because there’s nothing they would rather do than work and bothered because they are paying employees in exchange for their time Monday through Friday 8am to 5pm.

Yet the workplace is transforming before our eyes. Our employees today are dual-working parents, have special needs children, care for elderly parents, pursue their passions, perform community service, participate in outside interests, network with others, continue their education and dabble with new technology. They have work-at-home offices and use mobile technology that’s more powerful than many of our desktop computers. All of this requires us to re-think our ideas on workplace flexibility.

As the CEO of Nobscot Corporation, it has taken me a long time to get comfortable with flexibility and yet I see it working in our organization every day.  Like with all new initiatives, there are pros and cons.

The following are 10 points to think about as you work to implement a flexibility policy for your organization that will benefit both the employees and the company.

1. Life happens. Many of us are still in the mindset that life needs to happen before 8, after 5 and on weekends. We expect people to schedule their lives and make arrangements accordingly.  We have always done that so why can’t they?  Unfortunately (or fortunately?), it doesn’t work that way anymore. Today, the majority of couples are both dual-earners with full-time work responsibilities. This doesn’t leave anyone to handle the daily requirements of life, never mind the unexpected surprises that happen.

2. Flexibility and Structure are not mutually exclusive. Most people are more productive when there is some structure to their workday. It’s much easier for employees to focus and accomplish goals when they know exactly what they should be working on and when. Some workplace flexibility proponents would have you believe that total freedom is required.  This is a mistake. You can and should provide flexibility while still maintaining some structure to the workday or work week.  If you provide too much freedom you are doing a disservice to your employees.

3. Flexibility only works when employees have a good work ethic and a commitment to the success of the organization. This means two things.  First, recruiting for a flexible work environment requires seeking out employees with a natural tendency to perform their very best at everything they do. Second, it’s incumbent on you to create a cohesive environment where employees identify with the organization and benefit (either psychologically or monetarily) from the success of the company.

4. Flexibility and Goofing-off are not synonymous. Allowing employees flexibility to blend their work-life with their home-life or to take off time during the day for personal or family pursuits should not give employees a license to goof-off.  Some might argue that if employees are allowed to work their own schedule they should be able to goof-off all they want as long as they get their work done. This sounds reasonable in theory but in reality our brains are limited in how much we can do in a day or week.  If employees over extend themselves in goofing-off they will not have the same amount of energy and focus and creativity when they try to squeeze their work into their goof-off schedule.

5. Watch out for multi-tasking. This is one of the biggest challenges that managers face today.  I don’t care what your employees tell you, the human mind is not capable of concentrating fully on more than one thing at a time.  Yes, they can do more than one thing at a time but the quality of the work will suffer.

6. The weakest link in successful workplace flexibility is not employees, it’s supervisors. You absolutely can not introduce workplace flexibility, (particularly “results oriented  work environments”) without re-training yourself and all supervisors on how to manage in this new environment.  Traditional management is built around managing employees time and making sure they are working productively throughout the workday/week. In the flexible work environment, supervisors must manage the work itself. This is not as simple as it sounds.

For example, some flexibility advocates believe that if an employee accomplishes their week’s worth of work in one day, they should be able to have the rest of the week to themselves. The reality is that the supervisor is not giving the employee an appropriate amount of work.

7. Women, flexibility and corporate performance.  Studies have shown that organizations with women in leadership positions outperform those without. Therefore it makes good sense for companies to make sure they are doing a good job of retaining, developing, mentoring and advancing women employees to the same degree as the male employees.

Work environments without flexibility disproportionately impact women. Even when both parents work, survey show that the majority of household and childcare responsibilities still fall on women.  When we examine the results of exit interviews by gender, the satisfaction levels on workplace flexibility and balance are 96% of the time rated lower by women than by men. If we want to make our companies the best they can be, we need to be responsive to the needs of working women.

8. Dads want more involvement too. Today more than ever, our male employees are involved in the caring and parenting of the children. We shouldn’t assume that flexibility is only a women’s issue.

9. Keeping it fair. A big complaint that surfaces often in employee surveys from employees who do not have children or other home/family responsibilities is that others get flexibility while they don’t. Is it reasonable for a single employee to go to the movies for a couple of hours during the workday if their colleagues go to kid events during the day? This is an issue that needs to be addressed up front in order to make expectations clear.

10. Eliminate the impact on co-workers and clients. When adding flexibility into the workplace, employees need to understand the importance of using this benefit responsibly. Their personal schedule should in no way negatively impact their colleagues and clients.  This is not a get-out-of-work free pass nor an excuse for missing/canceling important meetings. It should be made very clear to employees that flexibility at the expense of others will not and should not be tolerated.

Beth N. Carvin is CEO of Nobscot Corporation, a global technology firm that focuses on key areas of employee retention and development.

Unity, or “wholeness”, takes into consideration that I am made up of all these roles.  How much time I spend on each one in a given day varies from day to day, and that is what works for me.  So, how have I made it work?  Three words:  flexibility, sacrifice, and decisiveness.

• Flexibility- Being able to use my time to focus on what needs the most attention at the time.
• Sacrifice- Sometimes taking something I want to do and having to say ‘no’ because something else is more pressing at the time.
• Decisiveness- Gathering facts and just making a decision.  Sometimes it’s risky, but it beats feeling guilty about not knowing what to do next and where to invest the time I have available.

Like Eric, I make no apologies and have no regrets.  The reason I say that is that throughout most of my career, I have had flexibility.  Flexibility is the critical ingredient that makes my recipe of life work.  For the first four years of my children’s lives, I worked a flexible schedule.  This was in an environment that valued the end result of my work product more than the specific hours of the day I was visible.

Over those four years, my schedule changed quite a bit.  I worked as little as 70% when the twins were first born and eventually back up to full-time.  I also had the flexibility of not only a reduced schedule, but the ability to work from home on a regular basis.  Working for an employer who celebrated flexibility gave me the ability to enroll the children in gymnastics during lunch time every Wednesday.  What a nice break to the middle of my week to step away from work for two hours to do something fun and hands on with the kids.

In addition, I had a nanny at home with me on my days “working from home” to watch the children so I could actually get work done.  This gave me the unique opportunity to take ‘hug and kiss breaks’, eat lunch with my kids, and throw in the occasional load of laundry.  It was wonderful.  The result was I was not missing much in terms of their “firsts” so I was being a good mom, I was able to keep small household chores from piling up, and I was a better, more dedicated, productive employee.  I did not have guilt.

Not every job is designed to be done from home though, and there can also be limitations on an individuals ability to concentrate and achieve from home.  A few critical factors to working from home:

• Have a designated office or work area
• Avoid distractions (like television)
• If you have children at home, arrange for someone to watch them while you are working
• Set goals for yourself throughout the day
• Make sure to take breaks (it is so easy to forget to eat lunch or take a break when you work from home)

But what if you do not have flexibility?

It’s all about choices.

This is where the sacrifice and decisiveness really become important. I’ve worked with less flexibility and I understand the challenges employees face when being able to fit it all in is not possible.  It is not a good feeling.  I’m not the mom who can break away and be a room mother for my kids’ class, I don’t get to go on field trips with them, and I often pick them up after dark, so our outside playtime is limited.  Mothering is not something that should be ‘outsourced’, so I struggle with it now.  But, there are still ways to make it all work.  What can you do to free up time to parent (or do what is personally important to you)?

• Pay someone to clean your house or run errands
• Hire someone to mow your lawn and do landscaping
• Check with your grocery store to see if they offer on-line shopping with grocery delivery
• Hire someone who specializes in organizing to help assess your personal situation

Bottom line is we only get to live this life once.  What will you make of it?  If you’re sitting there feeling guilty about your situation at home, at work, or in other areas of your life, change it.  The power is already in your hands.  Will this mean you may sacrifice something else?  Yes, it probably will.  Will you have to make some decisive choices?  Yes, definitely.  Will you be happier and have a more unified life?  Absolutely.

So tell me, does the idea of unity work for you?  Why or why not?

The take away for me was that it would be interesting to do a series of posts from people in different geographies, from different generations, on what work/life flexibility means to them and whether or not they think it works.  I’m thrilled to say that Eric Winegardner (from Monster), Bill Boorman (UK based Bill Boorman Consultancy), and Beth Carvin (CEO of Nobscot Corporation) all signed on to participate in the series.  I don’t know if this will turn into a generational divide, a men vs. women debate, or a geographical smack-down between the US and the UK.  What I do know is that I have three of the brightest in the HR industry weighing in on a great topic.  We welcome your comments and ideas on what work/life flexibility means to you.

First up, Eric Winegardner.

As a white-collar American, I work more than I do anything else.  I work more than I sleep.  I work more than I spend time with my family.  It is a fact of life, and I love it.  That’s right, I just said I love it.  Why?  Because I stopped worrying about balance years ago and started focusing on Integration of the two seemingly separate worlds.  You see, I have no home-life without work, and I have no work-life without home.  There is only one Eric.  Take him or leave him.

To be fair and to properly set the stage for my argument, I feel obliged to disclose that I am a self-proclaimed workaholic.  I prefer to refer to myself as a lifeaholic.  It just sounds better.  I happen to be incredibly passionate about what I do, enjoy the people I work with, and believe that if I execute flawlessly magic things happen for the masses.  Okay, so maybe I’ve had one too many sips of the Kool-Aid!  The reason I tell you this, is I fear I am in the minority of people who look at Work/Life Integration as a means to be able to work MORE- without it adversely affecting those I love so dearly.  If I didn’t completely lose you on that one, we will most likely grow to be close friends.

I am on the quest to have it all, and flexibility is a critical component to my success.  Flexibility is about being able to do what I need to do, where and when I need to do it without feeling GUILTY about doing it.  Guilt is a complex emotion that erodes productivity not to mention overall happiness.

I have found that the secret to my work/life integration has been to eliminate guilt.  I refuse to feel guilty to my employer for picking my daughter up at preschool in the “middle of the workday”, scheduling a dentist appointment in the middle of the week, or pinging my friends on Facebook or Twitter with a moment of genius “on company time.”  Conversely, I do not allow myself to feel guilty for missing my daughter’s field trip, taking just one more phone call in the middle of dinner, or not being home at night for bath time, stories, and goodnight kisses.  Do I miss those things, of course!  But can I carry the burden of guilt, no way.  Instead, I concentrate on being aware of the fact that I am ALL roles in my life at once.  I choose to be fully present for the things I GET to experience, and do my best to thoroughly enjoy the moment, whether that be a work or home setting.  I think that approach makes me a better husband, father, friend AND employee!

I work from my home office in Cincinnati, my real office in Boston, and from Monster offices across the globe.  I work from airports and airplanes, from hotel lobbies and rooms, from back seats of cars and from restaurants and coffee shops.  I can work from anywhere, anytime, and usually do.  It is what inspires me, what motivates me, and what makes me the happy person my family totally digs.  Therefore, it works.

So, what do you think?  Weigh in with your comments.