I first heard this quote several months ago during a conversation with fellow blogger Steve Boese.  He was reading the book ‘Slanted and Enchanted: The Evolution of Indie Culture‘ and it struck him as a meaningful quote.  Since then, he has written about it on his blog and even had the author, Kaya Oakes, on the HR Happy Hour show to talk more about independent thinking and indie culture.  What’s interesting is that the quote keeps rolling around in my head and coming back to me.

Why?  Because as much as I like to think I’m independent, I believe that as humans, we gravitate to being dependent.  It’s our natural state of being.  Although, it seems as if admitting that you are dependent is equivalent to career suicide.  However, as long as I can be influential in a positive way while still feeling support, I’m content depending on other people.  If I can be persuasive and respected while collaborating and my voice is still heard, I’m ok with dependence.

Dependence CAN be a positive experience.

It’s that feeling of being cared for or knowing that someone has your back.  The best teams are built off this interdependence as a core value.  It’s the way I feel when you read this blog.  Regardless if you agree or disagree with something I write, I still feel your support and I am in a dependent relationship with you.

Dependence is ultimately what drives business.  It’s being able to work together to meet someone else’s needs.  It’s the backbone of the economy.  So, why is it so attractive to tell someone that you are independent? Here are a couple reasons:

• It’s the “cool” thing to do- Who doesn’t want to claim that they are part of the indie culture in their industry.  There are times when we feel like breaking out on our own is the ultimate way to be cool.  We can do our own thing, make all our own decisions, take greater risks, and ultimately, not have to rely on anyone else to make things happen.
• It feels fluid- Being able to be agile and go with the flow more quickly is an appealing model for many of us.  However, with that also comes great risk that a majority of businesses that we deal with have bureaucracy that prevents or hinders their agility, thus affecting ours to some degree if we are their vendor.
• Entrepreneurial spirit- Like many of the founding forefathers in US history, being able to have the ability to be independent and start out on a new course, over uncharted ground, is exciting.  That spirit is appealing.

I argue that at the end of the day, even the most independent person is still predominantly reliant on others whether that be as customers, as those that provide financial funding, or those people in your circle that act as your advisory board.

What do you think?  Is it ever really possible to be independent?  Or, it is the spirit that initially drives certain people who then ultimately become dependent like the rest of us?  Weigh in over in the comments section.

When we talk to each other at work, on Twitter, or on other social media sites, we assume that we know each other and it’s very cool that people develop that familiarity from short conversations or 140 characters.  We think we know someone when we usually only see one facet of who they are.  It’s important to realize that each person has many other facets.  We all have a myriad of roles we fill each day and one of the ones that I absolutely love is being the Scoutmaster of Troop 941 – a Boy Scout troop in West Chester, Ohio.  My son is in the Troop and I have been in scouting for eight years now!

My son and I recently completed our annual Summer Camp trip to Camp Frontier in the remote village of Pioneer, Ohio.  It was fabulous and each day brought more and more amazing opportunities to see what the boys were doing.  One particular highlight is that our Troop built an 11-hole putt-putt course in the woods of our campsite only using logs and rocks that they found on the ground.

So, what does this have to do with focus ??

Each day at camp, there is a Leader meeting for Scoutmasters. It’s a time to talk to the Camp Commissioner, discuss the schedule, and also give feedback about good things or concerns.  The vast majority of the feedback is negative, even though there are truly few negatives around. They are more “preferences” than complaints.  During one of the meetings, after the adults groused about how far they had to walk to the meeting, how the latrines smell, and if a swim test occurred or not, one of the leaders said, “Hey, did you see the Barred Owls near Ecology?”

I jumped at the chance to talk about something positive !!  The conversation then switched to the beautiful grounds and the many types of wildlife we all had seen during the week.

It reminded me of work environments and of HR in general.  Too often when we talk about work, and especially about the people we work with, we’re negative.  It is so easy to look at what’s “not working” vs. focusing on the great things that happen around us each day.Don’t get me wrong, I fall into this trap too.  But, this experience at camp shocked me out of it.  Since then, I have been  focusing on the positive things that happen each day.  Every day I do this, it gets to be more of how I choose to approach the day and I’m becoming a better human.

So, where’s your focus ??  Why don’t you take a second and take a look.  You’ll be surprised when you take some time to reflect.

By the way . . .

Here’s the owl !!

Initially, SHRM took a stance on social media that gravitated toward risk avoidance.  It started like many associations where they bring in the lawyers who only tell members why they should not use it.  However, since there are many benefits to using social media that can surpass the risks, their stance is starting to change.  I’m happy to report that we’re now seeing SHRM at the national level as well as some of the more progressive state SHRM councils adopt a pro-social media stance!  One that I’m particularly interested in is my state council- Illinois.

The Illinois State Council of SHRM is geared up to show their progressive attitude this coming Monday and Tuesday  (8/2- 8/3) at the state conference. This is a conference for 500 HR professionals  who will come together to not only learn about social media, but also about the core functions of HR including:  talent management, legal/ employee relations, strategic HR, and HR tools.  I’m most looking forward to the keynote by Pamela Meyer, PhD, who will be speaking about highly engaged organizations and innovation.  Two subjects near and dear to me from a work standpoint.

If you’re not signed up, I encourage you to join me there.  After all, it’s time we all participate more in our professional association.  You’ll also get to meet fellow HR professionals/ bloggers:

Mike VanDervort

Sarah White

Charee Klimek

So don’t wait….click HERE to register today!  And, be sure to follow me on Twitter to see what’s going on at the conference.  You can also follow the conference at @ILSHRM and on their blog, IL State Council Blog.

*Many thanks to the IL SHRM Council for hosting my participation in this event.  And, a special shout out to John Jorgerson and Dave Ryan.

Try to think of one person you’ve met who doesn’t lie.  It’s impossible.  From the moment we’re old enough to start having some shred of freedom to make decisions as children, we lie.  Of course when young children do it, we tend to call it a “fib” or a “white lie” because this implies that it is not a big deal.  ”Johnny, did you color on your wall?”  ”No mommy.”  Johnny says this even though he’s an only child and the only one in his room all day.  Why?  Because the power that Mommy has over him scares him and he’s afraid to tell the truth because he knows there will be consequences and he doesn’t want to deal with them.

We also deceive in order to:

• Avoid disapproval
• To manipulate
• To maintain control
• To avoid consequences
• To save face for ourselves or others

That is really the essence of why people lie.  As adults we may try to convince ourselves or others that lying is a good way to spare someone’s feelings or avoid a sticky situation.  It becomes so routine that we do it almost involuntarily and even when we don’t need to lie.  Ever ask a co-worker how they’re doing and they say “great”?  Then a day later you learn they just lost their house or their spouse lost their job?  But, the person lies to you so they don’t have to deal with explaining how they really feel.  Most people would argue that this type of lie is about saving face or keeping things private.  That’s fine.  It’s still lying.

So, knowing that every one of us tells little half-truths, lies by omission, and some tell outright huge lies, what are some signs we can look for to determine if we’re being lied to?  As managers or leaders, how can we tell when it’s happening?  Working in HR certainly gives one the upper hand in spotting deception.  After years of interviewing, questioning, and investigating employee relations issues, I’ve been able to learn what to watch for.  Here are a few common tell-tale signs:

• Body language-  When someone is being honest, they will turn their body toward you.  They will look you in the eye and you will not see them being nervous.  If the person is lying, they will do all they can to look away  or down without realizing it.  They will fidget and move their hands either to their face or mouth.
• Speech and word choice-  In my experience, I’ve found two extremes in this area.  Some people will talk more quickly and become defensive.  You’ll notice that they are speaking in a way not normally characteristic of their behavior.  The other extreme is that the person may shut down.  They become quiet and do not want to answer your questions.  They also tend not to use words like “I” or “Me” in what they are telling you.  This is a subconscious attempt not to take responsibility for what is going on.
• Changing the subject- Another tell is that the person will try to get you off the current line of questions and change the subject so that they can feel comfortable again.
• Avoidance- You may not know that someone is lying behind your back.  One way to tell is the person will begin dodging you.  Do you have an employee that is normally friendly and chatty and suddenly they are not taking your calls or avoiding you when they see you coming?  It’s a definite sign that they’re avoiding you for a reason and this is a subconscious way people cut you out.

There are many other signs, but these are the ones that are often most noticeable.  What signs tell you that someone is lying to you?  Share them in the comments.

As an aside, the thing that got me thinking about lying was hearing an old Thompson Twins song ‘Lies’ from 1983.  Enjoy!

blog- a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer; also : the contents of such a site

Ok, so they don’t exactly define blogger, but it’s the person that writes the online journal….yadda yadda.  One thing I find interesting is that people who do not blog are often curious about the process.  You’ve probably watched the Wizard of Oz, so you know that closer to the end of the movie, Dorothy and her crew pull back the curtain in the palace to find out that the great and powerful Oz is no more than a regular guy.  I don’t claim to be great and powerful, but I am just a regular girl.  I get a lot of questions and in the spirit of the Wizard of Oz, I thought I’d answer a few:

What made you start blogging? I worked at a company that offered a short video training on how to write a blog.  Since all employees had to go through our digital training, I did too.  I had been reading blogs for several years and it sounded like a good way for me to challenge myself to learn how to do something I knew nothing about.  Also, I did not see myself as a strong writer, so I thought that by writing for myself, I would get better at it.  Never once did I think that other people would really start following my blog.  I was so thrilled when that happened.

How did you learn the mechanics of having your own blog? Thankfully for me, WordPress has a great free blog platform with answers to many of the questions you have as you get started.  It was a breeze to set up and it was free.  After a couple months, I had connected with other bloggers and we share tips and tricks with each other.  Eventually I was forced with a hot poker up to my eye, I mean convinced by Ben Eubanks that I should switch to a self-hosted site.  That process was very challenging and as I made that move I learned much more about HTML code and how it all works.  When you have your own site, you can research online or get a trusted friend to help you with the administration.  Almost every blogger I know has someone to help him/ her with things on the site.  My guru is Ben Eubanks from UpStart HR.

How long does it take to write a post? It can take me anywhere from ten minutes to several hours depending on whether or not the idea just flows or needs thorough research.  I’d say on average that 30 minutes to an hour is pretty typical for me.  I tend to write after my kids go to bed, or I wake up around 5:00 am to write, like I’m doing today.

Where do you get your ideas? EVERYWHERE.  I jot observations about the world down on paper scraps, on napkins, and on my hand.  Sometimes I capture interesting things on my camera (phone) that spark something I’d like to write about.  Or, someone says something that I disagree with and that sparks a post idea.  I have many posts that are drafts.  Some will get published and others won’t.  Right now, I have 43 draft ideas just waiting for me to put more thought into them.

Do you think everyone should blog? Absolutely not.  That’s like saying that I think everyone should ride bulls or skip to work every day.  If you’re good at something, do it.  If not, spend your time doing something that you’re good at and you enjoy.  Writing should not make you feel like it’s a chore and that you’re too pressured.  I think great bloggers that I admire speak from their heart and keep it real.

Why do you keep writing? What started out as a way to find challenge when I wasn’t challenged in my last job has turned into a way for me to network, collaborate, make friends, get offered opportunities to travel and speak, and the list goes on.  Maintaining my blog is one of the best things I’ve done for my own self-development and that is very important to me.

What has been the best thing about having a blog? For me, it’s the collaboration.  My favorite time is when people comment and we can get a dialog going.  It’s also been great in giving me opportunities to travel and collaborate with people and organizations I would have never been exposed to.

So, that’s a taste of what I am asked.  I can’t speak for all bloggers and why or how they do things, but I’ve learned that many of us are similar in that we put the pressure on ourselves and we all have a ton of draft posts on the shelf that may or may not ever make it to being published on our blogs.  Feel free to ask me questions anytime, and not just about blogging.  Some I’ll answer in a post and most get answered via e-mail.  Just leave them in the comments.