We’ve all left a job.

Whether voluntarily or involuntarily, leaving your organization or position is a commonality we all share at some point.  The difference is how each person handles that transition. For many employees, especially those who voluntarily resign, leaving is a process they go through.  It could involve months of thinking about it and planning out each detail. For those employees who are terminated though, they may or may not have much warning.  Either way, it’s important to realize the impact of behavior during the transition time.  After all, it’s part of the legacy you leave and what you were known for at work.

In a recent column in Harvard Business Review, On Stepping Down Gracefully, Robert Sutton describes the importance of this transition time for CEOs who step down or who take on roles with different responsibility. Like us, a CEO has to think about the message they send when they are asked to resign or if they are choosing to retire to a chairmanship.  The impact of behavior during those “peak” moments in a career are critical to how colleagues and even the successor remember the person who is leaving.  There are no real benefits to let hurt feelings taint the departure.  All that does is create enemies and burn bridges that may be needed in the future.

The same holds true for promotions.  Whether you’re leaving your current role for a promotion in your current department, leaving your department for another in the organization, or leaving your organization for an opportunity for a larger role at a different company, do so with grace.  The way you treat colleagues will have a great influence on how you are perceived in the future.

• Tie up loose ends on issues-  Make it easy for your successor to step in.
• Transition projects to capable leaders- By giving that leader all the information he or she will need to take over the project you will help ensure that the project will not be derailed as a result of your resignation or promotion.
• Show respect-  The way you treat your colleagues, boss, clients and anyone else in the organization you come into contact with will be the last memory they have of you.  Make it a good one.
• Give performance feedback to members of your team-  This is a critical action yet one that most people miss as they leave.  Without your input as a leader, often the incumbent will not have enough knowledge to complete the annual appraisal for that year and your staff will be the ones to pay the price.

What are other key things you have done as you’ve transitioned out of roles?  Be sure to share those in the comments.

Do you know how to take a compliment?  I don’t know that I’m the best person to write about this in terms of giving advice.  What I do know is that I”m someone who gets uncomfortable when someone gives me a direct compliment.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the fact that the person thinks I did something noteworthy and valuable, I just feel uncomfortable about my reaction.  For me, if that person told someone else and I heard it second-hand, that would be far better.  Somehow, telling a third party makes it easier for me to respond.  Then, I can say something like, “Wow, it was really nice of John to say that about me. ”

How do you take compliments?  If you’re good at it or have any tips for me on how I can get better, let me know.  The worst thing we can do is get good feedback and not know exactly what to do with it.  So….share your best tips in the comments.

I listened to a replay of the Bill Kutik radio show recently.  In this episode, his guest was Karen Cariss, Co-Founder and Global CEO of  PageUp People.  It was a fascinating discussion about neuroscience and specifically, how the human brain interprets certain situations using the limbic part of the brain.  During the show, Bill and Ms. Cariss began talking about performance and Ms. Cariss said, “Seventy percent of feedback is a waste and of that, half of it is actually damaging.”    Ms. Cariss also asserted that the reason is because it is delivered formally and throws the brain into a “fight or flight” mode.  The person becomes defensive and begins thinking with the limbic portion of the brain, thus not in the mode to readily accept the feedback.

With so many discussions in the HR space about whether or not there is value in formal performance reviews, this is a compelling argument against them.  Or at a minimum, in how to deliver the performance conversation.

Think back to performance reviews you’ve received and those you may have given.  Do you believe that such a high percentage of feedback is actually a “waste” or that it is a form of coaching that is valuable? I’d love to hear the arguments for and against the formal review.  Personally, I prefer the more informal, day-to-day feedback.  However, I’m still in the camp that an annual review is helpful if it is leaning toward the development of the individual for the coming year.

What you do you think?  Weigh in in the comments. And, be sure to check out the podcast of Bill’s show.  It’s a great use of twenty minutes!

I’m a believer that our personal lives and professional lives are intertwined and that it’s nearly impossible to separate or compartmentalize them.  So, when a manager or employee comes to me for advice, I try to look for clues to the big picture instead of just that situation.  Often when I’m assessing a situation, whether it is in my personal or professional life, I think back to a book I read ten years ago.  The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.   Dr. Chapman is a well-known and respected pastor, author, and speaker.  And, while this book was written to assess and address the language of love that is meaning to someone on an individual level, I”ve found that there are many business uses for the book.

The basic premise Dr. Chapman asserts is that there are five “languages” of love and that each one of us has a primary language.  If your partner speaks a different “language”, there is a good chance you will not feel loved.  So, the idea is to identify your primary love language and your partner’s, then work to use the language the other person responds to best.

The five love languages

• Words of Affirmation- This person identifies most with compliments and other words that say you value them.  If you insult this person, it will affect them more deeply than other people.
• Quality Time-  This person values your undivided attention.  If you miss a meeting or appointment  with this person, they will truly be hurt.
• Receiving Gifts-  It’s not just the gift that is important to this person, but the thought behind it.  If you miss this person’s birthday or anniversary, they may be crushed.
• Acts of Service- This person feels happiest when you are showing your love by helping them.  Whether it’s pitching in on a chore at home or helping with a big project at work, this person will feel valued and cared for.
• Physical Touch- This is not a language just about sexual contact.  The person that speaks this language feels important when they are hugged, get a pat on the back, or your hand on the shoulder.  This one is harder to demonstrate at work due to sexual harassment laws, however, it can still be demonstrated in moderation.  The pat on the back, fist bump, shaking hands, or high five can fill in and still show this person they are valued by using physical contact.

If you think about the people you work with; your team members, colleagues and peers, subordinates, try to figure out which language seems to apply most to each person.

Let’s imagine you’re the type of leader who is very busy and recognizes performance only with money (pay increases, spot bonuses, etc.).   You are speaking the Receiving Gifts language.  But if I am the person who works for you and my primary language is Quality Time, I will not feel valued or cared for.  The one thing that would make my day is to have you show up for a meeting on time or meet with me one-on-one.  Or, if I feel valued when you notice that I’m carrying a heavy workload and you offer to pitch in and help me meet a big deadline, you’re speaking my language of Acts of Service.

There are many benefits of learning your own love language and how you can use the love languages model to communicate more effectively with people in your personal and professional life.  You will build stronger relationships and have more engagement with the people in your life.  To take a quiz to find out your own love language, click HERE.  Then, tell me what your love language is in the comments. For anyone who has met me or knows me from reading my blog, there will be no surprise to my results.

Mine is physical touch and words of affirmation almost equally.  Must explain why I’m a hugger who likes compliments!  :-)